Sunday, March 24, 2013

Love vs. Fear

"Livin' life without fear, puttin' 5 carats in my baby girl's ears." - Christopher Wallace (aka Notorious B.I.G.)
At around age 26 I had a major quarter life crisis.  On paper I had achieved everything I'd struggled & worked so hard for-  a prestigious job on Wall Street, my own apartment in NYC, a shiny black BMW & enough financial stability to go shopping, take a few nice vacations every year & pay down my student loans.  The problem was that I was completely & utterly miserable.  The plum job I had worked so hard to get did not suit me anymore & my dream of becoming an interior designer had turned from a whisper to a raging scream.  It was scary because I knew I had to start taking steps to make it does one enter a creative field from the corporate world?  Would I be good enough?  Would anyone hire me?  Would I make enough money? 

I also had some personal issues that were just too heavy to continue to carry around & I knew I needed to start working on them if I wanted to achieve all of my dreams & create the best life possible for myself.  I made myself my biggest project & went on a full on tear to start fixing myself & my life & come up with a plan to exit the corporate world & enter the world of interior design.  After years of telling myself I was strong enough to fix my problems on my own I manned up & realized it was stronger to admit I needed professional help & went & got it.  It was one of the best decisions of my life & I would not be where I am today without it.

I also started reading every personal growth & career change book I could get my hands on (I have read many life-changing books & if you ever need any recommendations I'm your woman!)  This is when I was first introduced to the concept of love vs. fear & it was a total game changer.  It really is everything & my bottom line guiding principle in life.  I committed from then on to always be true to myself & live a life out of love & not fear.  I'm not gonna lie, it was scary as shit (& still sometimes is, although it gets much better with practice :) but once I made that decision I never looked back.

I completely broke down my life & the choices I had made & was making & asked myself for each one, 'Is this a love choice or a fear choice?'  Somehow this very simple question cuts through all the crap, excuses, etc. & makes everything crystal clear...'Am I staying in this job because I love it or am I afraid of pursuing my dream career & the financial instability & other fears that may come with it?'...'Am I in this relationship because this person makes me happy or am I afraid of being alone & having to put myself out there again?'...'Should I go to this party/event where I know no one but could meet someone interesting or a new client?'  You can really apply it to any question you're struggling with in life, big or small, & I guarantee you that the love answer is ALWAYS the right answer.   I'm not saying it's always going to be easy & sometimes we are just not ready to take the steps we know we need to but the clarity you receive will instantly make you feel better.  You can start taking whatever step you're ready for at that moment, even if that means doing nothing except entertaining the idea of a better & truer life for yourself. 

My love answers propelled me forward & I enrolled myself in design school part-time & stayed at my corporate job for another six years but it became so much more bearable knowing I was working towards my goal & there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  In due time, I had not only made the transition from the financial world to the world of interior design but also realized my lifelong dream of owning my own company.  It certainly didn't happen overnight but with blood, sweat, tears, triumphs, setbacks, relentless determination & LOTS OF LOVE - it happened :)


  1. And it just keeps getting better! It really does.

  2. Absolutely!! Really excited for what else the future holds for both of us. So incredibly grateful to be on this journey with you :)

  3. Colleen, what an inspiring post. Congratulations on owning your own company and on taking the time to think about what you want, how you will go about achieving it, and on pursuing both. This is my first introduction to the concept of love versus fear. I like it very much and can see why you've made it your guiding principle; it's incredibly helpful. Thanks so much for sharing!

    1. Thank you Sarah, that means so much! As much as I love pretty pictures my biggest dream for my blog is to share my journey with others & hopefully inspire them in my own small way :) Looking forward to chatting more over cocktails soon! Xoxo